As more distance grew between Stacy and I, Tina Lee and I got closer, and we even started dreaming bigger, and thinking about the future, and wondering what it would be like to be together, what if we could visit, how we could make it happen, but I still saw no way for it to happen. I would call her more from home, just to hear her voice, she would provide me so much encouragement, and that was all that I wanted. Finally about a month after returning back from Milwaukee, I finally told Stacy that I didn’t feel that we were heading in the same direction, and that I wanted to break up, and she didn’t take it well, but I felt in my spirit that if I held firm that great things and peace would follow. She believed it all tied back to Tina Lee, and I couldn’t convince her otherwise, so I stopped trying. I knew in my heart that I wanted what was best for her, and that it wasn’t me, so I had to let her go in order to not only find the peace that I needed for me, but also for her to find. My mind kept going over the same things. Why did I go through with it? When would I accept that what I had done was all my fault?There were so many questions running through my head that I didn’t know which ones to address first. I didn’t know whether I should even try, but my actions to clean myself as thoroughly as I could was based on shame. It was six in the evening and it was up to me to make my way downstairs and cook the evening meal. I would have to stand by the cooker in the same position as I stood at one o’clock that afternoon. The only difference was the name of the meal that I prepared.I needed to leave the shower before my body crinkled. The towel was soft to the touch and it made me feel a little better and choosing jeans, a brazier, and a top was safer than the skirt I had on earlier. My body shook when I entered the kitchen and was relieved to find that my twin sons were nowhere to be seen. I didn’t know if they were in their rooms or out somewhere and I didn’t care..
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